Dear Santa Clause
by Reebtoor
Summary: A letter from Deadpool to Santa Clause, and stuff that follows.
1. All I want for Christmas

Dear Santa Claus

I have been a very good boy this year. If you don't believe me just ask Wolverine He will tell you how I only sliced off the heads of those how truly deserve it like sentinels or the Muffin Man, the one that lived on Drury Lane. Take my word for you do not want to eat the muffins. They're nasty, man that guy is evil. So of course I deserve presents for Christmas. I mean come on I killed the Muffin Man. Down to business what I would like for Christmas this year is first more Cheesy, Crunchy, Puffs. I can't get enough of Cheesy, Crunchy, Puffs. In case there's a misunderstanding I need my Cheesy Crunchy Puffs and if I don't get my Cheesy, Crunchy, Puffs I will find you. I will cut open bowlful of jelly you have for a stomach. I if cannot have Cheesy, Crunchy, Puffs on Christmas, you never will! Second I would also like some pink bunny slippers. To keep my feet warm on a cold winter stack outs. Not those fake ones either I want real pink bunny slipper, Made from real Easter bunnies. Please include a recoding of what it sounds like when you kill an Easter Bunny. I have a bet going with wolverine. If for some reason you do not want to kill an Easter bunny that's fine. I will just have to turn red nose here into a winter jacket instead. Third I would like a year's supply of ammunition or at least things that make loud and preferably violent explosions. I promise if I get my ammunition you will get your wife back, alive. Finally I would like you to make people who design my comic book 3-D so that I can really out of the pages. I mean how awesome would that be. I'm sure this will increase the fun pack hours you've spent reading my comics tenfold. Either you make sure the people who design my comic make it in 3-D or I will just blow up your workshop. You might believe it is safe, because I don't know where you live but you are not. I found out where you live from that elf who wanted to be a dentist. Whoops I wasn't supposed to tell you that. I probably should not have side that either. Oh well.

Love and grenades,

DeadPool


	2. The Night Before Christmas

Santa worked through the night frantic with fear to gather all the gifts that dead pool held so dear. For Christmas was almost here. he raced to the factory where the puffs were made of cheese in crunch for the criminality insane. He slaughtered pink bunnies that made Easter so bright so dead pool could keep his feet warm on those cold winter nights and recorded it all for the maniacs delight .he took the red sticks of vile explosives from the hands of a man named Joseph and paid cold cash for the deadly explosives. It was 3 AM when Santa arrived to the homes of the people who bring dead pools comic to life . Each stared with wide eyes at the man in the suit with reindeer that fly on top of their roof at Santa's request they worked through the night to bring 3-D to the comic before morning light.

Early Christmas morning DeadPool awoke with wide eyes to find everything he wished for. so nobody dies. Except the elf dentist but nobody cries.

* * *

What is wrong with me I just wrote a poem about threatening Santa?


	3. A Message from your Cheesy Puff Factory

Written on the back of every cheesy crunchy puff bag

Warning cheesy crunchy puffs are highly addictive. Cheesy crunchy puff Corporation is not legally responsible for the actions and or side effects from the consumption of cheesy crunchy puffs. Cheesy crunchy puffs ingredients include but are not limited to dehydrated powdered cheese substitute, orange dye number 12, flour, corn, other grains, sodium, sugar, cough dangerous chemicals cough, sugar substitute, salt and oat. Allergy warnings cheesy crunchy puffs are made in a factory that also handles nuts dairy cough dangerous chemicals cough and grain products. Possible Side effects may include increased aggression ,dry mouth, hallucinations, death, a desire to pet bunnies and or other bunny related desires, memory loss , and an extreme need to eat more cheesy crunchy puffs.

Sincerely Cheesy crunchy puff Corporation

Comment or complaint please call our self-help line at 8008-80085

Or contact us at

Or write into this address 123 S. that one state in seriouslyyoustillthinkwewant tohearfromyou city Penthouse 82 floor 6.12


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